Posts like this are really hard to write, because I’m either incredibly British, or I just don’t have the confidence to say certain things.
And to be honest, knowing me, I’m pretty certain it’s the latter. I’m the sort of person who will eat what she gets served in a restaurant, even if she ordered something else. So, a wimp!
I have been feeling really funny about my blog since I became pregnant. I suppose losing your energy can do that to a girl. But I do worry that, sometimes, I lost my mojo along the way?
I have become a bit of a pregnancy bore. I feel like I’m that stereotypical mum filling up your timeline with my baby news. And when I look through old posts, like I did over the weekend when I did my blog redesign (what do you think?), I realised that I used to be so much more than this!
But, the thing is, my posts and videos about my pregnancy really are a huge part of my life right now. I was writing posts and filming videos from the second my test showed a positive line. Videos and posts I never thought I would publish, until we had that very first scan and I was finally able to breathe easy, cry with relief, and get excited about what our future might hold.
It’s not been easy. But I did all of this for two reasons. The first was because, well, I don’t know if this baby will be our last. Mark and I both want a third child, but we are having those head over heart moments, where, considering this one hasn’t even arrived yet, we just can’t decide! This could be the last wiggles, the last scans, the last birth, the last newborn cuddles.
Either way, I want to remember. I want to look back and show my daughter how excited I was to meet her. And, God forbid anything should ever happen to me, she would know how loved she was from the moment I knew she existed. And the same goes for Bill. While any blogger, over time, can reap benefits, we all start with the same desire, and that’s to record our lives. And to enjoy it. Of course we keep going, because the comments start, and the interaction, and the wonderful friends you create. But we start with a purpose of writing a diary of sorts. Feeling like we have to keep it up because it’s online and people can see. And so I have all of you to thank for five years of my life being documented on here.
But of course, the second reason was because I wanted to help mums like me, and maybe you, in the same way that other mums have helped me. I remember watching Louise’s (of Sprinkle of Glitter) pregnancy videos with Darcy, when I was pregnant with Bill. They were something I would savour. And I would watch each video the day I turned exactly a week further along. As a little treat. I felt like I wasn’t alone. I felt more excited. I felt comforted. And so I began to find more videos, and more blog posts, and before long, they replaced Babycentre and the like, because I preferred the real experiences. And the stories. And celebrating the announcement of a new baby.
This time around, I’ve had so many lovely people share my journey with me. I’ve had advice when I’ve been in discomfort, laughter when we all feel the same, reassurance when I’ve worried about being a mother of two, true kindness when I struggled with feeling down, concern when I had my fall, and most recently, a big gang of ladies reassuring me after a man told me I had fat thighs (true story – some people are evil, but you can read more about that in my week 35 pregnancy update).
And it’s been lovely. I’m a mother who doesn’t have my mum friends. I honestly find it hard to make them with work. I never made them in the early days because I went back so soon. And since then, all the spots in various cliques seem to be taken. So if you have ever commented, trust me, you’re more to me than what you’d think.
But get to the point I suppose?
Well, I remember when I first became a parenting blogger – after slowly moving away from that 20-something girl that wrote about her escapades with her personal trainer – I became aware of award seasons. We have them! It’s true! It’s also a lot of pressure.
I have been shortlisted a few times, but I really do struggle with asking for support.
I was panicking last night in my pyjamas, because I couldn’t decide on staying yellow, or going pink with the colours on my website. Pregnancy drama. And Mark laughed at me and asked why I was panicking.
So I told him. I said I felt a bit insecure as it’s award time, and I feel anxious. And I always find it a bit hard. Because it makes you question whether or not you are good enough. I’m pretty certain most of us agree. You don’t want to care, but you do, because you’re being judged by your peers and that’s important!
And I said I didn’t expect to see myself up there this year, because they are so many bloggers that I think are incredible. I really do.
But he said: “You won’t know unless you ask.”
So I’d like to ask. There are two awards. So that’s two asks really.
There’s the Mum and Dad Blog Awards – mainly known as The MADS. I’d love to be considered for Best Pregnancy Blog I think.
You can vote here.
There’s the Brilliance in Blogging Awards (or the BiBs if you’re down with the lingo). And I’d love to be considered for the Video category, unless you think another would suit best?
You can vote here.
And I know how hard it is to do this with a child climbing over you, so I apologise in advance. And even if you don’t vote, thank you for supporting me as always.
Because, my life simply would not be the same without this site of mine. Or you. As corny as that sounds!