How many weeks?
I’m now 24 weeks pregnant (I’m actually 25 weeks tomorrow, but I’m a little behind for a few reasons).
When is baby due?
19th April 2016.
How’s baby doing?
I am fast falling more and more in love with this little girl every day. She’s definitely bigger and her movements are beginning to changes from karate jabs and flips, to rolls and fidgets. She moves less crazily now, which I’m guessing is a sign that she has less room in there. She’s moving as I type. She knows I’m talking about her.
She’s now 600g in weight and 30cm in length, which feels huge to me as that’s also the size of a cantaloupe melon apparently. But tiny all at the same time. She’s now viable for life, which is such an incredible milestone to pass. I feel like the weeks are flying by now we have past the halfway marker. I’m 25 weeks tomorrow and that means I’ve just under 14 weeks left in work and 15 weeks until she’s here.
We had the extra scan, which was lovely. And she finally behaved so measurements could be taken. She was in a much better position this time and we could see her so clearly. Her heart and face are fine – the two areas that couldn’t be measured at the anatomy scan – which was a relief. We got to see a shot where we were looking up her nose and could see her mouth and I gasped because she is just the spitting image of her dad. Even Mark had to agree. It was just lovely.
Physically, I feel quite good. I mean, as good as you can do when you’re a bit of a baby ball!
I’m obviously tired, but the Christmas break has rescued me really. It gave me a lot of time to rest and not rush around and I felt very relieved to have that time if I’m honest.
I’m back at work today and writing this in my lunch break and I am so tired after at 6:00am wake-up! But I am hoping I will adjust. It all becomes normal again, after a while, doesn’t it?
As for other symptoms, heartburn is still hanging around. Not to the point of extreme discomfort yet, but enough to leave me swallowing burps and clutching my chest in particularly fiery moments. With that, I’ve also had a bit of a strange appetite. I’m hungry, but goodness knows what I actually want to eat.
I’ve definitely got a thing for grapes and melon, that much is true, and Marmite on toast and chocolate as well, but otherwise, even my usual cravings aren’t touching the sides. I’ve moved of orange juice onto cordial and water, which is a good thing as it’s much less sugar!
How I feel?
This is the bit I haven’t looked forward to writing. Because I’ve kept my emotions locked up for the past few weeks.
To be blunt about it, I started to feel down as December hit. The house had numerous problems as you’re all probably bored of hearing about I’m sure, but it wasn’t just that. I just felt like things were becoming too much for me. I was finding all aspects of life very hard and I wasn’t particularly looking forward to Christmas either. Mainly because Bill was going to leave at midday on Christmas Day and I could just not get my heart to accept that.
I think pressure, home, and heartache left me feeling very blue. To the point that, and I don’t say this lightly, I worked up the courage to tell my midwife two days before Christmas. She was absolutely amazing and so supportive. I expected her to make me feel like a loser, or like I was just being silly, but she was the human equivalent of a big hug. She listened and assured me that my life stresses would impact on a lot of people, regardless of pregnancy. She also detected a lot of guilt on my part, and also said I had to stop being so hard on myself.
I’m booked in to see her again on Wednesday, so she can give me support and see how I am, now things have calmed down.
I am happy to say that the rest did help. As did our home mishaps getting fixed. And that first hard Christmas is done and behind us, and while my heart broke on Christmas Day, I’m here, and he came home. That’s the important thing.
I don’t know if I’ve just had a blue period – I’ve never felt like this before – or if it is something more. I don’t want to bandy around the phrase ‘antenatal depression’ like it’s an excuse. As for me, I’m not sure that’s what’s up.
But it has been hard. I was torn between needing people to talk to, and needing that support, and not wanting to burden my family and friends with my sad times. It was Christmas. And I didn’t feel I could ruin that for anyone, in any way. So I have kept quiet until now, because it felt like the right thing to do.
Mark has, without question, been the most amazing support. And let me tell you now, I’ve been hard work. I really have. William has been a source of so many smiles. This baby girl is worth any low point. And my family have given me all the support I would let them at the time.
I’m feeling okay, but I do think it’s important to talk about things like this, because it’s really not easy. I’ve been stuck in a rut and worrying about a lot of things and then losing the motivation to care about other things at the same time. How can I be down when this life is the one I used to dream of? It seems quite possible.
I’m hoping that the routine, and a less stressful day-to-day, after hiding for almost two weeks in the Christmassy womb of December, will make me smile and make me feel better before I know it.
I try and talk about this in the video below, but Bill was there, which means he was distractingly adorable, and it also meant I clammed up a bit as I didn’t want to talk too much about crying and being sad.
Thank you as always for reading and I hope, if you are pregnant, that you are well.
My first post of 2016, Happy New Year everyone.