How many weeks?
17 weeks and five days as I write. I didn’t much feel like writing this weekend.
When is baby due?
19th April 2016.
How’s baby doing?
Well I think! I certainly know she’s there now. This week has been the week where she has really made herself known and I can feel her moving often now. It’s been a lovely milestone to reach, and I’ve enjoyed feeling her dance. She makes me realise how lucky I am to have her, and her brother, and to be here and now experiencing this.
In terms of size, she’s the size of a naval orange, from crown to rump at least, measuring 11cm long and weighing 140g.
I have been emotional this week, but I’ll touch on that more below. I know some of it is symptomatic and related to pregnancy, but it’s much more than that this week.
As for physical symptoms, the big ones have been sore teeth at strange times. They feel like they are trying to move in my upper jaw, which is weird and uncomfortable. I have had a cold, so that’s my second bout of being poorly. Thankfully I am on the mend now.
I do feel better for the most part now. I feel far less sick and I’m able to eat healthier foods and I’m not gorging to keep sickness at bay. I am hoping it will go completely in a few weeks, but this pregnancy continues to be different than Bill’s!
The most uncomfortable symptom for me is eczema. I have it on my inner elbows – a place where I used to have it as a child. I haven’t had this since before puberty! And my skin is usually very oily. And now it’s so dry. My lips are chapped from having a cold, as is my nose, my hands feel tight and dry and I’m starting to itch.
Show me the cocoa butter!
How I feel?
I was so happy last week, when we found out her gender, but this week has been an emotional one. I wrote down, in my notes, early last week, that I was starting to develop a new feeling of anxiety that is linked to pregnancy. And it’s all to do with feeling anxious about safety and making sure my loved ones are okay. I struggle more with Bill going to his dad’s, because I never know if he’s okay. Or if something happens to him.
I also find myself getting paranoid at times, and becoming very emotional about a lot of different things. I’m far more outspoken than I normally am, but I can’t help it. I just feel like a very difficult person sometimes. I feel for Mark, I really do.
I think it’s that feeling of realise how precious life is when you are growing a baby. You realise how incredible the whole process is. And you become so much more aware of how short life can be too.
After hearing what happened in Paris, before I went to bed on Friday, I have been consumed with sadness, anger, disappointment and fear. And I feel very helpless – I can’t help. I wish I could find a way to fix this, but I can’t. And I worry for the future. I have to go to work in a city. And that frightens me. I have to be apart from my son. And I don’t like that either.
I know that it is partly my pregnancy heightening a lot of what I feel. But I am so aware of life right now. I really want to see my children grow up. And I feel very lucky to be their mother. I just hope I get to raise them in a kinder world than this.
One a positive note, I am feeling this girl move more and more each day now. And even on the outside. I know it’s not in my head, as the midwife felt it too. A couple of days later Mark got to feel her too and the smile on his face made me feel so happy.
I’m really aware of how precious life really is.