After our break to Wales, I decided that I need to do more of what I love.
I really do struggle to switch off. And it seems to be something that came with becoming a mother. I’m very focused on doing everything I can possibly can for Bill, and it’s made me realise that, in the process, I’m probably doing less. Because I’m so focused on this list of things to do, that I’m not as focused as I should be on him, right now.
So I’ve stopped. I’ve stopped feeling pressurised by stats, or other people’s ideals, and I’ve just started to do what makes me happy at the time.
Yesterday, I fell asleep on the sofa while Bill was napping. I fell asleep with my head on Mark’s stomach. I had been feeling a bit tired and not myself, and I just let myself fall asleep. When I woke it was to a tiny toddler, crawling behind me, stroking me and lying his head on my side. It was the nicest wake-up I’ve had in a while and I ended up tucking him under the same blanket as I was tucked under, and stroking his back (he loves this) and watching cartoons with him.
Normally nap times would be for video and photo editing, and a lot of writing. While simultaneously making a roast dinner.
And this was better.
And yes, I don’t have my weekend post written or scheduled yet, but I actually want to do that later after work. Wanting to, and having to – they feel so different.
So, in the name of doing what you love and making the most of now, here are a few things that I have really enjoyed recently.
This is a weird one as I don’t generally stop talking, but I love talking to Mark and Bill in particular. I like talking to Mark about our future, or debating with him. Because we love a good debate. And we can do it without hating each other.
With Bill, Mark and I have both come to treasure mealtimes, because Bill is just so chatty. And hilarious – let’s not forget that. I thought I would miss my newborn son, but it turns out that he grew up in to the most wonderful little boy.
For example, my mum messaged me this morning:
“Morning Mr Magpie, he said. What’s he doing Granny? Looking for insects and worms for his dinner, I said. Mmm, the sounds delicious and very acceptable!”
I used to read all the time, in fact, I would regularly spend weekend, pre-Bill, reading in bed, or in the garden, or on our old leather sofas (sliding down them slowly as you do when you have a leather sofa). I’ve not only read one book, I’ve actually read three. And I have five more lined up. When we were in Wales, I actually purposefully found a big Tesco so I could buy some books to read while I was there. I’m reading Cecelia Ahern – The Year I Met You at the moment.
I really struggle to show my appreciation for other bloggers. I always read, but I barely comment because it’s invariably on my phone or when I’m sneaking in a quick read on a train, and, to be honest, working full-time makes it hard to be as good as everyone else is at this.
But I do read. I read a lot. And very loyally.
Not only am I loving my usual favourites, of which there are many, I also seem to have a thing for bump and baby updates at the moment – blame the broody. Dear Beautiful, Bump to Baby and More Than Just a Mummy (huge congratulations Kelly) are all blogs I read every time.
But my newest favourite is, without a doubt, for the spellbinding photography and honesty, Goblin Child.
Mark thinks I’m unusual as I don’t really ‘get’ television. I’m not the sort of person who has loads of programmes on the go because television can make me twitchy as all it does is remind me of what I’m not doing. That said, I’ve tried recently, I’ve really tried, as it really do help me switch off.
Jane the Virgin is by far my guilty pleasure, I watch it alone and try and save it up so I have batches of episodes to watch. I’m also loving Love Island (cheers for the recommendation Katie) and I watched the first episode of a series called Tribe last night, which was really interesting. I’m also aiming to get watching Humans too, because I have to right? The only downside is Orange is the New Black – Mark still hasn’t caught up so I’ve not even seen Season 2 yet! I know. Just don’t. Too painful.
We finally got a rough date for our house extensions! And our planning application has been submitted. So, it’s likely we’ll be seeing some work done at the start on September, which is quite nice as we’ll be away too! Even though a new bathroom, a new boiler, and the nursery is priority, I’m finding myself far more excited about the kitchen over anything else.
I have always longed for a big kitchen diner and that’s exactly what we’ll be getting. I’m thinking wooden worktops, metro tiles with a grey grout, clean and bright, and laminate flooring most likely. I want to bring in green plants and industrial shelving and oh my gosh I’m so excited!
I have really gotten into making videos recently (and obviously I’d love it if you subscribed), but the downside of that is finding time to appreciate other people’s videos. Ingrid’s coming out video made me cry. I am looking forward to Ruth having her baby. And I’m always up for growing my subscriptions – if you have any recommendations, let me know below.
I know that I don’t eat perfectly 100% of the time, but I do try. I’m always trying to learn and find better ways of eating. Mainly because I’d like to lose some more weight, but also because, as an example, I ate rubbish this weekend and I feel the effects. I feel gross. And I don’t like it. I’ve got an order of Bootea’s Teatox coming my way (which will be interesting as I don’t like tea at all) and I’ve also made a cauliflower pizza base (finally – let me know if you’d like my recipe). I’ve got lots of healthy things in our fridge and My Fitness Pal is amazing, as always.
Saying No, Or Saying Yes
Basically saying what I mean. I’m a pushover. I’m told often. Always in fact. Most days. And it’s hard. I want to make people happy and I have a great fear of missing out (FOMO). But the thing is, part of stepping back from the pressures of life is just enjoying what you do have.
As an example, I was worried that I won’t be attending BritMums, but, I realised that, I mustn’t be worried enough because it still hasn’t changed my mind about missing time with Bill. It’s not a case of – if you go, you obviously don’t miss your children – because kiddy-free time is amazing. But I have less kiddy time as it is, and, in truth, nothing beats a family weekend when I’ve had two days without my little boy.
So yes, that’s where I’m at right now. And I really hope I can stick to this happy balance, because I feel like a better person for it.