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Being A Fat Girl & Losing Weight

I think, since around my second year of university, I’ve been overweight. But not just in a “couple of pounds” way. I’ve not been healthy. A new lifestyle, a new freedom, and a taste for onion rings and too many alcopops, led me to pile on the pounds pretty quickly.

And I’ve always labelled myself as curvy in private. “It’s okay Charlotte, eat that extra slice of pizza. You’re invincible. You’re curvy remember?” It’s been a label I felt more comfortable with. Except I would self-depreciate publicly so I could beat other people to it. It was a defence mechanism. I said it first, so you can’t hurt me.

And yes, I’d like to say that you can be any shape or size that makes you happy. This isn’t me saying that big isn’t beautiful. I’m saying that this is my body, my weight and my journey.

And boy it’s been one hell of a journey.

Roughly around this time last year, I finished work and went straight to my grandparents’ house to see my cousins and my auntie who had come up from Radlett to visit.

I was playing with my son and my cousin just so happened to snap some photos of me and Bill on my DSLR and, only when I flicked through them did I realise how big I had gotten.

And it caused me to look back at photographs of myself and really see myself clearly. And it hurt.

Because I had been damaging my health. I was a mother. And I was eating myself into an oblivion. I was not giving a second thought to my future. I just cared about the food in front of me, and whatever excuse I could use not to exercise.

That’s the good and honest truth.

Looking back again, at the photographs below, make my face flush crimson. I feel ashamed.

I was still the exact same person inside, as I am now, but I was so unhappy, because being the fat girl does make people see you differently.

I used to get abuse in the streets. I tried to run once and I was yelled at and laughed at. Once, walking down the street, a man felt the need to roll down his window and shout to Bill’s father: “Your girlfriend’s got a fat ass!”

And that’s not fair. But I’ve come to learn, in the harsh way that you do when you’re an adult, that I can’t change society. But I can take a long look at myself and change myself. Because their words, though hurtful, weren’t making me unhappy. My weight was.

It wasn’t really, until Boxing Day last year, that I realised that, for the most part, it was just me and Bill from now on. So I owed it to him to be a healthier and happier mother.

And slowly, but surely, it also made me realise who I was again. I felt more confident, bit, by bit. And I remembered how it felt to leave the house and feel happy and healthy.

And, if I’m really honest? I was falling in love with someone. And I wanted to feel like I was beautiful enough for him. Not because he made me feel like I wasn’t. But because I couldn’t, and still can’t understand why someone like him wanted someone like me. You can frown at that all you like – but find me one woman, or man, who hasn’t wanted to look good for the person they love. You can’t.

I still have days where I feel like the girl in the photographs above – it’s a very hard image to shake and I have become very aware of my reflection. Not out of typical vanity, but out of that sort of feeling where I need to check it wasn’t all a dream sometimes. It’s actually why I take so many selfies – as I want to capture my good moments as a reminder to my less confident self.

All of the above photographs were taken in the last two weeks. And I have to stop and scroll up and down as I write this, because I know there’s a big difference there.

Even if I still feel like I have far to go.

Before, I was an 18 pushing a 20.

Today I’m a 16, sometimes a 14 if I’m lucky, but someone that keeps buying size 18 out of habit.

But this is the difference, side-by-side.

You can see that my stomach is still a little plump. And my thighs are pretty chunky too. But – you know what? They’re improving.

So what did I do?

Honestly? I changed my diet and quit lying to myself. 

  • I don’t drink wine every night anymore. I have it Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, if I really feel like it. 
  • I have cut out fizzy drinks, pretty much all of the time. Aside from treats or mixers. 
  • I drink much more water than I ever deemed possible. 
  • I’m making the very taxing journey of cutting my one sugar in my coffee down to zero. I’m at half a spoon now. Go easy on me.
  • I don’t eat sweets or chocolate often anymore. I’ve actually found sweet joy in strawbs. I love the things. 
  • I just think about what I’m eating. It’s actually very easy. I don’t put a load of cheese on something that’s already got some good carbs and protein going on. I don’t need it. 
  • I’ve swapped my lunchtime meals of burgers and heavy food for salads and healthier sandwiches if I really fancy some bread. But I’ve noticed that wheat makes me sleepy and sluggish. And so I avoid it where I can. 
  • I do eat a pizza when I want one. Because what is life without pizza?
  • I try and keep moving in the evenings and weekends. Park trips and walks with Bill. Endless chores or DIY. And it helps. 
  • I don’t starve myself. 
  • I haven’t tried crash diets.
  • Because they don’t and will never work. 
  • And they are bad for you. 
I honestly wish I could say that I did one thing and it made me lose weight, but I didn’t. It’s been hard. I’ve had mouth-watering moments of jealousy. I’ve fallen off the wagon countless times, and woke up after a cheese-induced food coma, red with shame. 
But this is my achievement and my hard work and my body. And it’s worth the hard work. 
And no, I’m not 100% happy. I know I’m no ten out of ten. And I’m presuming I’ll always be a little chubby in places. Sometimes I leave the house feeling good, but then I see all of these beautiful people walking the streets of Manchester and I feel myself hanging my head again.
But I’m soon to go away on holiday. With that person that I never imagined would want me. And my little boy. And I want to be that mum running after her son and splashing around in a pool without worrying about how my belly wobbles as I dash around. I just want to enjoy it. And I also want to be the girl that appears in the doorway, looking nice, and ready for drinks with someone who feels proud to be with her. 
So I am upping my game. I imagine the 30 Day Shred will feature. And I will try and be a little better behaved and stop nibbling on the bad stuff, when I get bored. 
Because I’ve kind of got a nice bikini to fit into. 
And I’d really like to look nice in it. 

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25 Comments

  • Reply
    karenmarytaylor
    21st July 2014 at 8:54 pm

    Wonderful, well done! X

  • Reply
    spiritedpuddlejumper.com
    21st July 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Wow, Charlotte, the difference is amazing! Well done for deciding to live a healthier lifestyle, it really will make you look and feel great, and you're looking fab- go you!

    • Reply
      Charlotte Louise Taylor
      24th July 2014 at 8:33 am

      Thank you possum! I still can't believe that was me, but this is me now. I still feel like my identity is skewed somehow. I'll get there! xx

  • Reply
    Jess | Just Jesss
    21st July 2014 at 9:02 pm

    Beautiful lady both before and after, but the difference in how happy and confident you look is incredible! Well done sweetie <3

    Jess xo

  • Reply
    Alison Perry
    21st July 2014 at 9:20 pm

    You look awesome, lady. You should be so proud of yourself. Love that you've done it a sensible way too. As you know, I'm too fat for Zara and in the past month, I've been eating sensibly and now I'm going to the gym 5 times a week. FINGERS CROSSED I can shop in Zara soon. Or wear a beautiful Missoni bikini. xx

    • Reply
      Charlotte Louise Taylor
      24th July 2014 at 8:38 am

      Having not ever owned anything Zara other than my Office City Bag, I applaud you. Maybe I too will be thin enough for Zara. I miss the gym. I'm housebound come evening. WELL DONE AL! xx

    • Reply
      Alison Perry
      24th July 2014 at 10:14 am

      Thanks Charl. ALSO: I am so stupid. I thought it was a Missoni bikini but you wrote #MissionBikini and my eyes swapped the letters around! haha! xx

  • Reply
    Peggy Poyser
    21st July 2014 at 9:21 pm

    Wow and well done! you were beautiful before and you are stunning now x

    • Reply
      Charlotte Louise Taylor
      24th July 2014 at 8:39 am

      Thank you Peggy. That's so kind of you to say. I didn't feel beautiful back then. xx

  • Reply
    Mrs Shilts
    21st July 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Charlotte, you are an inspiration. You have worked so hard and you will reap the rewards. I can totally empathise with you as being bigger now than I ever wanted to be after Little Mr's birth I'm not in a good place but i'll get back there with stories like yours and strength and determination. You'll get in that bikini and you'll look great, well done xx

  • Reply
    Emma Littlefield
    22nd July 2014 at 7:42 am

    You look great. I think losing wight to be healthy and your rules for eating are the way to go. Sod everyone who can't accept us for who we are mind – I find the idea of you or anyone else being yelled at in the street disgusting!.

  • Reply
    Late For Reality
    22nd July 2014 at 8:12 am

    Well done lovely! You are doing really well and look beautiful! xx

  • Reply
    Kate Gunn
    22nd July 2014 at 8:56 am

    Wonderfully honest post. You look fabulous and should be very proud of your journey to now.

  • Reply
    Katie @mummydaddyme
    22nd July 2014 at 3:10 pm

    I wanted to come and comment on this last night Char but my phone wouldn't let me. You look amazing and should be so proud of yourself- not that you didn't look amazing before. x

  • Reply
    Miss Pimms
    22nd July 2014 at 3:35 pm

    Congratulations! You look really good. I put on weight at Uni too (I still blame the rugby team) but controlled it rugby training 4 times a week with a game thrown in too. Sadly when I stopped playing, I still ate and drank what I liked. I've lost 11kg when pregnant with E then another 9 with G, however there is still a lot to go. Thanks for your inspiration – hopefully I'll get there too!! x

  • Reply
    Chloe Albuery
    22nd July 2014 at 6:53 pm

    I'm on my own weightloss journey and even though it'll be a constant lifestyle change, the results are definitely worth it, and I have followed the exam same size drop you have. Well Done, keep it up! X

  • Reply
    Lauren May Price
    22nd July 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this. Going through a very similar experience at the moment and finding it quite difficult, well done xx

  • Reply
    Danielle A
    23rd July 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Well done, it takes so much self control to stop the little things that make such a big difference. I am struggling to stick to any healthier diet with only 2 weeks to our wedding, slightly worried that even that isn't giving me the motivation! Have a great holiday when you go xx

  • Reply
    Katie-Annie Haydock
    23rd July 2014 at 11:43 pm

    Well done you gorgeously brave lady!
    Brilliant post x

  • Reply
    Nadine Johanna Stewart
    24th July 2014 at 11:20 pm

    Well done Charlotte. The biggest change is not the weight you lost but the spark in your eyes. You look very happy! I am in a similar situation and your post really motivated me. x

  • Reply
    Christina Crouch
    25th July 2014 at 12:12 am

    You look amazing, that bikini won't know whats hit it this summer!

    Keep it up.

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